Hacker

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To Be A Hacker Is To...

  • think analytically about things you're usually not supposed to
  • be able to sit down and reason a problem with innumerable technical details, while maintaining hope and inspiration
  • break into things for the sake of breaking into them
  • break into things not for the sake of not breaking into them
  • take control of technology, strive to Ubermensch
  • sleep odd hours
  • lack the capacity for boredom
  • see past the bullshit (and make up new bullshit)
  • be weary of normal people
  • dye your hair funny colors
  • consider money part of a system you can optimize, instead of trying to optimize systems to make money (aka 'business as usual')
  • make bad technical jokes
  • accept that 'hacker' means very little, overrun by media hype and script kiddies, but aspire to the ideals anyway
  • do consulting/contract work
  • not work at all (ie a job)
  • save helpless animals from experimentation labs
  • fight in the war in iraq
  • cover your ass by blaming others
  • call tech support to ask where the any key is
  • encrypt your most sensitive documents with ROT*13
  • converge on the essence of being through dance
  • learn calculus
  • care more about showing off Cool Things than begging for a raise
  • get a raise anyway
  • realize the necessity of hackerspaces
  • start a hackerspace
  • drink too much caffeine
  • size things up
  • read xkcd
  • always overstate, and understate your expertise
  • not actually care that much about microsoft
  • control the weather
  • probably have some sort of surmountable neurological disorder
  • listen to di.fm
  • listen to kmfdm
  • listen to <insert nerdcore artist here>
  • listen to idle network traffic piped to /dev/dsp (eek! but how will i listen to my Miley Cyrus videos on youtube if PulseAudio can't monopolize access to /dev/dsp??!?!lolaolaol)
  • sincerely appreciate novelty
  • sincerely appreciate good design
  • sincerely question legal identity
  • try things beyond your skill level
  • piss some people off sometimes
  • acquire free technology wherever you can
  • have no trouble finding women **IMPORTANT**
  • steal monies from banks and ruin'd daconomy
  • have the head of the illuminati on speed dial
  • have the Cheshire Catalyst in your phonebook
  • do things in your spare time
  • have people ask you why you do things in your spare time
  • enjoy working
  • eat glass and shit smartphones
  • the girls thing again
  • eat, sleep, and breath computers
  • be a part*time student, full*time, employee, and overtime geek
  • have people ask you why you have so many computers or why you "need" so many computers
  • have people tell you that you don't enjoy life because you sit in front of a computer all day
  • do without thinking
  • do things that make people say, "How did you DO that?".
  • add to this document
  • be dissatisfied with non-systemic answers